The First Cut is the Deepest.....

Every large city has one. The Stabber. The eccentric patient who, no matter how bad it hurts, continues to be self destructive. Ours is in the form of a middle-aged gentleman who has a penchant for getting drunk and stabbing himself in the abdomen. The hospital staff know him well. Well, this week The Stabber arrived via taxi after a drunken night of "truth or dare" in which he very wisely stabbed himself with a pocket knife. "Were you trying to hurt your self?" I asked him. His reply was, "no, if I was trying to hurt myself, I would have used a bigger knife". I guess he was absent from science class the day they talked about anatomy, because yes, indeed, you can hurt yourself with a pocketknife. He has a perforated bowel to prove it. Fortunately for him, the kind taxpayers of our city have chipped in and funded the repair of his poo spewing colon.... he will return home as shiny as a new penny. The Stabber says this is the last time, but to me it just sounds like the empty promise of an alcoholic.

Our psychiatry attending is so tired of dealing with this fine upstanding gentleman, that he jokingly stated he'd like to show The Stabber the page of an anatomy textbook that illustrates the locations of vital structures like the aorta, spleen, and liver so the guy will get it right next time. I just hope his gene pool isn't spreading.